I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
