You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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