I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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