TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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