I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
