Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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