I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
