So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
