'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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