Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
