she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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