Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
