Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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