I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
