What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
