Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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