it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize