good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
