When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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