I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
