I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
