Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
