she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
