Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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