I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize