Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
