so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
