I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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