would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
