fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
