i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
