ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
