At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
