I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
