I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
