I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
