Pants 0. Shit 1.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
