nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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