it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
