I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
