So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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