Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
