Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
