conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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