We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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