She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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