i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
