you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize