i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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