Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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