Someone shit on the floor
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
