They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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