I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
