We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize