Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
