I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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