During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize