He asked me if I "almost moaned"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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