Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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