It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
