Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
