We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
