Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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