i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
