You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's the barista slut.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
