So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
