There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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