Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
