Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize