Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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