shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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