Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
