who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
