Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
