She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
