her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
