THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize