oh god the rape fog is back!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
