I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
