i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize