dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize