I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
