I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
