Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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