i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
