He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
