The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The adults are the big ones right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
