How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
