never play flip cup with pint glasses
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
