We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You can't special order awesome
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
