took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
